I’ve just been away from my littles. It was the longest I’ve ever been away. It was a wonderful treat NOT to plan out my day, pee whenever I wanted, eat whenever I wanted and just plain stay out all day. I even packed clothes that need to be dry cleaned because the mess-risk was ultra-low without the littles around!
I had a fantastic trip. I missed my family and it was a chance to gain more perspective.
People tell me these are numbered days. That they truly are long days and short years…. that I will forget what this feels like.
I don’t want to forget:
- the newborn sleep deprivation. i’ve never been so. very. tired. ever.
- early pregnancy exhaustion. the “fall asleep before your head hits the pillow” period. the games I played with my toddler that require laying on the floor in the late afternoon.
- when my mom calls to check in on me. I am so lucky to feel taken care of at nearly 32 yo.
- what it feels like to have a baby barnacle. I feel terrible leaving them when they seem to need me so much and yet I am so glad they need me.
- what it sounds like to have that little voice call “mama!” first thing in the morning.
- the heart-bursting feeling when my kids excitedly await one another each morning.
- the heart-crushing feeling when one kid is mean to the other.
- what it feels like to have my baby pull-to-stand on my leg and clutch it. A plea to be held while I make dinner.
- what it feels like to be out of control mad at my preschooler who keeps opening the door and running down the street. i think i need to remember what this feels like to be better than it.
- what it feels like to be totally and completely drained of patience. one time my kid came out of her room 21 times when we tried to move to a day bed. and my husband was on call in hospital. and i had a new baby.
- the “i rocked it” feeling when I manage a non-melt down, big grocery run with everyone in tow.
- the fear of being on my own for the first time after #2 was born
- what it feels like when a little angel voice says “mommy, i have a secret to tell you… i love you”
- what it feels like when my toddler wants to call my mom and talk
- what it feels like when my husband makes my babies belly-laugh
- the joy on my husband’s face when he comes home from work and both kids barrel down the front walk to get to him first
- what it feels like when my babies insist on escorting my husband out the door each morning, shouting and waving bye as loud as their little lungs go
- what it feels like when I tell my husband I am pregnant and he wants to nest
I have no doubt that this list will just get longer and longer as the years pass.
I am blessed. And a work in progress.